Recently, thanks to a close friend, I have become rather obsessed with Secondhand Serenade. My friend JJ, does not know what kind of addiction she has got me into. For instance, I have been listening on repeat to "Your Call" EVERY time I am at my computer. Yes, even now. This little tidd bit about my obsession with this new song (new to me) is a marvelous seg-way (sp?) into my "Marcia Marvels (Momentarily)" blogg statement. And that is simply that I am creating and updating this blogg with the idea that it will help me (yes, I am selfish) to reflect on life and get a better grip on who I am and ultimately help me figure out what exactly it is that my life is going to contain. What does the song, "Your Call" have to do with this? Well, as I listen to this song I repeat I have begun to realize that I have always listened to songs on repeat, quite obsessively actually. But see, this is exactly my point! Without having begun to type this I very well could have possibly lived an additional year (or more) without recognizing this about myself.
I believe some of the neatest people I have ever met were those who were impeccably self aware. A self aware person is an individual who knows what they want and is aware of when their wants are changing. The sad thing, is so many people live their lives without ever thinking about what they want! Yes, this may be a selfish way of looking life, but ultimately to me it seems that I cannot be a good friend, daughter, sister, whatever other title I might hold some day - if I am not happy at the core of my existence. And (believe it or not) this potential happiness that exists at the core of my existence is NOT dependent on anyone else but me. It is I who make the changes in my life, this of course is not to say that people in my life do not influence me, but it is to say that it is I (and you for you) who makes the decisions for my life. No one else is responsible for my life other than me. Therefore, I shall search for an everlasting happiness at my core of existence.
Much of my life I have thought that my life was going to "take off" like "blast off" you can now start living the life of your dream. Then, I don't know where the reality check came in, but I realized that life did not work that way - that I was going to have to work at life and creating mine into the one I want to live for the remainder of my bodily existence on earth. This does not mean of course that I control everything that happens to me, but I do choose how I respond to my life's happenings and it is how in which I respond to all the blessings, trials, and everything in between of life that I can begin to create a life that makes my soul soar.
I am a hopeless romantic who is incredibly bitter - but I have admitted it and am working on a full recovery from this bitterness that is currently at my core. I want to live a life of celebrating and rejoicing - not one of "could-have-beens" and disappointment.
Well, goodness I am going wedding dress shopping in the a.m. with a dear, dear bonachica...and as my maid-of-honor duties say in my manual I am supposed to be supportive of the bride and agree with her. I can only do this with sleep.
